Teaching Children How To Connect In A Digital Age

While most teens today have significant skills in social media and have hundreds of friends on Facebook, many struggle when it comes to face-to-face conversations.

Maribeth Kuzmeski of Grayslake applied her business and marketing expertise to this issue, and teamed up with her teenage daughter Lizzie Kuzmeski, to write The Engaging Child, Raising Children to Speak, Write, and Have Relationship Skills Beyond Technology.

"When I wrote The Connectors in 2009 about business relationships, I had people asking for something similar that their kids could use," said Maribeth. "I know how important these skills are."

This is her sixth book. "I pulled a lot of research from my other books on connecting," she said. "When I started looking for other books about how to help kids learn these skills, there weren't any. There were no books or ways to teach kids how to connect in the age of technology. So I decided to write one."

She said the skill of connecting with others is key in future success, but is often overlooked.

"I think we work so hard to teach kids to develop the skills in math and science," Maribeth said. "But the skill that truly helps in any field is that people know how to connect."

The natural co-author for the project was her teenage daughter Lizzie.

"My daughter Lizzie is a great connector with adults and with other kids," Maribeth said. "She is a natural about it. She tells long stories and is a good writer."

Maribeth wrote the book and Lizzie wrote a section designed to give a teenage perspective in the book, which was published in 2011.

"The book is designed to give teachable moments to parents," Maribeth said. "It is all about tactics and things that you can do with your kids."

She said simple tactics include having Lizzie check into the hotel when the family stays at one, just to give her the chance to practice her skills at connecting with other adults. Lizzie said writing several chapters of the book was a good experience.

"It was intimidating to think that a bunch of people would be reading what I wrote," Lizzie said. "But I really like to write."

The book has been featured on Martha Stewart Radio and USA Today, among others. There were 5,000 copies were printed in the first run.

"The topic resonates with people anywhere," Maribeth said. "The most important idea is that you can still have an old-fashioned conversation without hiding behind your phone or computer. It's OK to turn it off once in a while."

"I don't think that kids think it is that big of a deal to be constantly attached," Lizzie said.

It is not that technology is bad.

"I love technology," Maribeth said. "I am on my Blackberry and my laptop daily. I am always connected for business."

"The difference with kids is that they stay on it all the time," Lizzie said. "They never turn it off, even with other kids in the room."

She cited one of the problems with communicating by text, that you can't tell the context that someone intends. Are they joking? Are they upset? 

"As a business person, the writing skills the youth have developed with texting is tough. They have been texting and using short, incomplete sentences for so long, it is all they know," Maribeth said. "The kids are out of practice on some of the skills you need for business."

Both Maribeth and Lizzie stress that they wrote the book to be helpful, not because they they have it all figured out.

"Not even close!" Lizzie said, with a laugh.

"But it is an important skill that can be developed," Maribeth said. 

The Engaging Child is available for purchase through Amazon.com, Kindle or the website theengagingchild.com.