Divorced and Parenting this Christmas? 10 Survival Strategies

The pain of divorce can feel sharpest during the holidays.  While many families look forward to “being together” to share Christmas traditions, many will attempt to share child visitation with an ex-spouse instead.  According to a report released by the US Census Bureau, nearly 22 million children from more than 13 million single parents in 2011 were raised in single parent households, many as a result of a parental divorce.  How do we begin to navigate through the maze of ‘visitation’ and ‘shared custody’ and still feel the joy of this holiday season? 

As a divorced (and remarried) person, I’ve put together some tips especially for single parents dealing with a divorce situation over this Christmas season.  They worked for me.  I hope and pray you find them helpful as well. 

1)      Acknowledge that there will be changes in the usual holiday celebrations.  Allow yourself time to think through your plan.

2)      Put your children first.  Try to look at the time over the holidays as “their time”.  Your plans and your emotional energy should be put into making the season enjoyable for them. 

3)       If your children will not be with you on the day of Christmas, plan to share your holiday with a close friend or family member.  Don’t stay home alone. 

4)      Plan your own Christmas Day with your children.  Whether that is a day before, a week before or a week after the 25th doesn’t matter.  Celebrate on that day fully and enjoy every minute.

5)      If your children will be with you, and if the relationship with your ex allows, be sensitive to his/her needs (and the children’s needs) to be with their other parent by making it easy for that plan to actually happen.  Your children will benefit greatly from this.

6)      Don’t argue about holiday planning in front of the children.  If they know there is tension, their day will be filled with anxiety and guilt.  Instead, let them know that you are working hard to make their holiday special.

7)      Remember that the holidays come and go.  Your relationship with your children and ex-spouse is permanent.  Don’t do or say something reactively that you will regret later.

8)      Even if you and your ex get along like oil and water, put all animosity aside.  Be healthy with your boundaries and if your situation is extremely volatile, get some professional help to make a plan for this season. 

9)      When your children leave to visit their other parent, let them know that you will be okay, that you are going to take good care of yourself.

10)   Follow through on number 9.  Take some time to pray, remember what Christmas is really all about and let the Lord comfort you.  You are never alone. 

If you would like to be part of our Divorce Care community, you can join our Winter session starting up in mid-February.  For more information, contact Cathy at cwoodside@chapel.org.